Wish List

Well, today I woke up and what popped into my head was this: A relationship is like investing stock in each other.

With time your investment will either plummet up, down or stay the same (no change). I know this sounds a bit crude but hear me out. It makes sense in my mind.

Perhaps I can communicate it through writing it out to better understand it myself. This helps me in bettering my own relationships. What I think, the solutions I find or formulate all helps me adopt in my own little world.

Trial and error we all learn from.


Perhaps what my relationship needs is a wish list! A list that could be formed by both parties. It's a list of things that you wish your partner could do or that actually bother you. Guess a changing/working on self list to be more precise.

How would this list work?

Both parties would create one. He would create one as well as yourself. For example what would go on that list.

• Too much Sarcasm
  
• better communication/Communicator
• better listener
• better organizer
• better at intimacy (I don't mean sex intimacy, more like holding hands, snuggling etc.)

After both lists are created the couple would sit down and discuss their list. One person would read theirs first with no facial or verbal comments from the one listening. Until after they had read their whole list.

Then it would be the other persons turn. After the lists have been read they would choose one or two things from that list to work on for that year. Each other helping that person attain that goal (reasonable goals).

Hence after the year is done an evaluation is done, with only good things said; constructive critiquing is applied. Leaving the negative mojo out of the mix. Where "stupid, retarded, etc." is left out of the vocabulary.

What is Constructive Criticism, for those who may not know. You can by pass that part if you do.

Constructive criticism is criticism kindly meant that has a goal of improving some area of another’s person’s life or work. Often constructive criticism refers specifically to the critique of someone else’s written or artistic work, in perhaps a teacher/student setting, that would allow that person to further improve the work or to improve their approach to future endeavors. However, constructive criticism can also apply to a critical reasoned analysis of a person’s behavior, as in a patient/therapist setting or a group therapy setting. Parents also try to employ constructive criticism to help their children improve their lives.

The trouble with constructive criticism is that not all people are receptive to it. They may either feel their self-esteem shrinking under criticism, or they may feel that all criticism is negative. This can destroy the intent of constructive criticism.

Further, not all people who think they are employing constructive criticism are actually being helpful. They may think all criticism is helpful and may not spare the person any details or couch the criticism in ways least likely to make a person defensive. Communication is loaded with multiple intentions, especially in a parent/child or spousal relationships. Thus people may not know how to actually employ a critique of one aspect of a person without involving their own feelings or frustration that make a critique negative.

Generally, constructive criticism should address an area that needs improving but does not speak to the person’s self. Constructive criticism should be a reasoned, unemotional response in an effort to teach. In spousal communication, constructive criticism is often shaped as the “I” message: “I feel X, when you say Y.” In parental relationships, constructive criticism generally works best when the timing is right. A child who has just lost a game, for instance, might be better served by encouraging words, rather than a performance critique.

Later, one might ask the child what she thought about her performance. Asking what was the best thing she did and what was her weakest moment can often open a conversation up to a non-negative way of helping a child improve. Many children know exactly what they did wrong in a game, struck out, dropped a ball, etc, and would rather talk about how to fix it, than to be told what they already know.

A similar approach is taken between a therapist and a client. The therapist usually resists direct criticism but helps the client find ways to talk about behaviors and solve problems. This kind of relationship bases its approach on the theory that the therapist best serves the client by helping them identify and resolve problems and issues, instead of pointing out the issues and presenting a solution to the client.

In teacher/student relationships, constructive criticism tends to be far more helpful than a blunt critique of a student’s defects. Questions on a paper and also praise in some areas can make constructive criticism easier to receive. Although, some students do jump to the point and want to immediately know what they did wrong.

Some teachers provide very helpful guidelines prior to a student writing a paper or essay. Telling the student ahead of time that the paper must have five paragraphs, a clear thesis statement, a conclusion, etc, often eliminates problems before they occur. If a student has then not fulfilled the requirements of the essay, help can be given in the areas where the student’s performance is weak.

In all cases, constructive criticism runs the danger of being perceived as negative. In these situations, it is unlikely that any criticism will actually provide help. Even when a person tries to present criticism in a non-emotional way, it may still be considered a personal attack. The only way to approach this is by truly being constructive, kind and helpful, and realizing that not all people are going to appreciate what you might have to say.

-article found at "What is Constructive Criticism?"

Relationships of any kind are hard to maintain sometimes. When dating you fall smitten to all the great qualities. Time passes by you learn more about your beloved. There are so many books on not sweating the small things in a relationship. Sometimes it's not the small stuff that makes it hard. As for myself I find myself observing every single thing in my relationship.

Like how messy he is. How he leaves the oven messy after making a meal. How he silently keeps everything to himself.

I have my messes also. From being a go getter to being lazy. I am not outwardly affectionate, but I'm a sweet heart. I have a giving and loving heart, but I find it hard to be lovey dovey at times. The sad thing I'm a mush and I love mushy stuff like that (a Romantic).

So, how does one fix that? I think Together. I think it will enrich a relationship if done lovingly and together. Time will tell.