I am Fortunate
Seems like so much has changed in my life. Not for the worst or even for the better. My life is not bad, most definitely most people would kill to live my life. I don't work, I live with my brother and boyfriend, and I have a dog. That sounds awesome looking out to in.
I feel things are missing in my life. I feel guilty because why should I be even feeling guilty about being able to do what ever I want, anytime I want. I feel lost. I don't mean lost as far as not knowing where I am but more like I still don't know what I want to do in my life. I know the kind of person I am. I am giving, and helpful, but tired at the same time. Meaning cranky, because I feel that's all I do. Hence, becoming selfish at the same time. It's an inner battle leading to a war of my mental thoughts. How much is too much, how much is not enough? Not sure if that makes sense.
I help my brother with a lot of his side business, and in hand get free room and board. As my truck sits outside wondering when I will get it's transmission fixed. I feel stuck.
I'm not worthy to "complain" because there are so many other people worse off than myself. I know God has a reason to my existence. All life have substance to them. That's my thinking anyway. I sit here in my room, as Lilly lies next to me on my bed. I know my life isn't bad, but surely there has to be more. I always wondered if I am not managing my time correctly. All the things I could be doing. Writing my epic fantasy novel, learning a new language...or even learning my parents native language of Spanish. All these things come to mind.
What I like to know, how can I use my talents to make money from home? The old age question. I like the freedom of not answering to a boss. Waking up when I want and spending time with lilly. I am very fortunate to be able to live this way.
It's amazing how free one feels with having their own money, working at something they love doing. I admire those people who know in their hearts what they want to do with their lives. What career paths they are going on. They are fortunate.
Don't miss understand me I am fortunate too, but sometimes I feel I could be doing more. Some would say "stop complaining and get up from you're lazy a@#!" and they have a right to think that. While the more understanding person would just simply share an understanding of my rant. :) Thank you for reading/listening.
I feel things are missing in my life. I feel guilty because why should I be even feeling guilty about being able to do what ever I want, anytime I want. I feel lost. I don't mean lost as far as not knowing where I am but more like I still don't know what I want to do in my life. I know the kind of person I am. I am giving, and helpful, but tired at the same time. Meaning cranky, because I feel that's all I do. Hence, becoming selfish at the same time. It's an inner battle leading to a war of my mental thoughts. How much is too much, how much is not enough? Not sure if that makes sense.
I help my brother with a lot of his side business, and in hand get free room and board. As my truck sits outside wondering when I will get it's transmission fixed. I feel stuck.
I'm not worthy to "complain" because there are so many other people worse off than myself. I know God has a reason to my existence. All life have substance to them. That's my thinking anyway. I sit here in my room, as Lilly lies next to me on my bed. I know my life isn't bad, but surely there has to be more. I always wondered if I am not managing my time correctly. All the things I could be doing. Writing my epic fantasy novel, learning a new language...or even learning my parents native language of Spanish. All these things come to mind.
What I like to know, how can I use my talents to make money from home? The old age question. I like the freedom of not answering to a boss. Waking up when I want and spending time with lilly. I am very fortunate to be able to live this way.
It's amazing how free one feels with having their own money, working at something they love doing. I admire those people who know in their hearts what they want to do with their lives. What career paths they are going on. They are fortunate.
Don't miss understand me I am fortunate too, but sometimes I feel I could be doing more. Some would say "stop complaining and get up from you're lazy a@#!" and they have a right to think that. While the more understanding person would just simply share an understanding of my rant. :) Thank you for reading/listening.
Labels: Just Thoughts.
posted by Ali at 12:05 PM
3 Comments:
I'm with you on the wanting more from life sometimes. Though, right now I really have to say that I am content. Stretched thin financially - but still content.
I also wonder if there could be more. I'm sort of a Jack of all trades, master of some, kind of person - and am ALWAYS trying to find ways to make more money - but I'm not a go getter. With out a boss and a deadline - I'm useless!
I do understand your rant - and love reading them! Keep it up.
I read the most awesome self-help book and I wish to share it, especially with young people.
Here is the link
http://bestselfhelpbook.blogspot.com/
Aww txs Rebecca. I'm not unhappy per say, more like I feel I am not meeting my full potential.
And Struggle for Justice. Thank you. I will look into that book. I like reading. :D
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